Sm Brutal

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Books Video icon An illustration of two cells of a film strip. Video Audio icon An illustration of an audio speaker.

Audio Software icon An illustration of a 3. Software Images icon An illustration of two photographs. Johnson and Dornan star in the film adaptation of the Fifty Shades trilogy, meaning they've engaged in lots of BDSM on screen.

Often heralded as one of the best BDSM films of all time, 's Secretary follows the relationship of a dominant boss and his submissive secretary.

Coincidentally, the boss, played by Spader, is named Grey. The movie focuses on the affair between psychologist Carl Jung and Sabina Spielrein, who was initially a patient of Jung's and later became a physician herself not to mention one of the first female psychoanalysts.

The pair explore their sexual impulses, including bondage and spanking. The infamous leg-crossing scene gets all of the attention, but Stone's character Catherine Tramell is also very into bondage.

Gray and Kim Basinger's Elizabeth McGraw. Behold: Charlize Theron wielding a riding crop in a flapper dress for Head in the Clouds.

Congratulations on your growing experience! Also, keep growing! It's life's essence in a way, if you ask me. I was wondering the same thing.

I found the story quite interesting, but the fact that it left almost no questions and the detail makes it seem just like a well written story and not really something that happened.

Reddit lies about the amount of downvotes to ward off bots. And there are bots that downvote everything. Don't take it personally! You see: a pessimist looks at the downvotes, an optimist at the upvotes.

You're learning to be an optimist! That's the start of real healing. Well, when I wrote that, there were 3 downvotes and 3 up votes Don't worry about it.

Anyway, you should be proud for coming out of the whole ordeal including the bad era with your parents in one piece. Any lesser a person would be on a track ladden with drugs, alcohol and crime in the end.

Probably in bad health too. Quite nice. Pretty normal. We watch movies, have plain normal sex and receive friends for supper every few Saturdays.

Are you ever bored of that "new life"? I mean, "plain" is not the most positive word one could think , so Do you really enjoy it our have your experiences changed you so much, that you feel your life is not fulfilled this new way?

Oh, and do your friends know about your past? And your boyfriend, did you immediately tell him all or did you hesitate and only tell him after he found out something happened to you?

Okay, so forgive me if I'm crossing a line here I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but given the nature of the IAMA, this seems like fair game , but when you say "plain, normal sex" it almost seems like it carries a negative connotation with it.

Does it? Do you prefer it that way, or does part of you wish your sex life wasn't quite so "normal? I think there's some sort of automated downvoter built into reddit by the designers.

Maybe someone can elaborate on this. There is a sort of 'noise' implemented into the voting system, so that the actual numbers don't reflect the votes exactly.

I don't remember the reasoning, though. Some downvotes may not be real. Because of the anti-spam mechanism, reddit occasionally shows slightly different scores just to confuse bots.

I was at a restaurant and a group came in and there was a pretty girl with them. She was wearing a leash. The group sat at a table, but the girl sat on the floor next to the guy holding the leash.

The waitress said the girl had to sit at the table but the guy holding the leash said something like "That's ridiculous, why would a dog sit at the table.

She'll sit right here next to me and eat my table scraps. One of the strangest things I've ever seen. This was a regular restaurant, not a BDSM club.

But it was in a trendy town downtown Royal Oak Michigan , so there may have been a BDSM club next door for all I know.

Were you just visiting Royal Oak, or the Detroit area? I ask because on the main drag of downtown Royal Oak are no less than two not sure of the count, been too long since I took a stroll there serious bondage gear stores.

That's why the waitress didn't totally freak out, but made an assertive statement. It's also why the cops didn't get called.

They've surely seen that type of thing in that restaurant before. I don't think I would have said no to that back then.

In fact, pet play was my favorite time so I would have probably enjoyed it. It actually sounds hot. Today however, I realize that I could have met people I knew but I don't think I had those kind of thoughts back then.

But then again, he goes to the dentist every 6 months, flosses 2 times per day and brushed his teeth 5 times per day after each meal, when he wakes up and when he goes to bed.

Brushing your teeth 5 times a day isn't really good.. You should keep it to two times a day really including flossing etc. I don't think the lack of dentist appointments is that bad, there are certainly more serious health issues you were exposed to than that.

You got a very interesting story and I'm happy it ended well. I was expecting a bad ending to it - but it was very nice of him to follow it up a time after the "break up" or what you should call it.

Hope you stay well. Your boyfriend has a fixation on oral hygiene. The normal is times a day brushing and flossing.

Dentist every 6 months is recommended but few follow that. Well, we all have our hang-ups, but yeah, it definitely seems like he has a fixation on oral health care.

Personally, I haven't been to a dentist in about 2 years. Last time I went, it was the first time in probably 5 years I'm 33 yrs old. They just told me to keep doing what I was doing, which was not flossing and brushing my teeth at least once but hopefully twice a day.

Yes, I'm curious about this too. Okay, I've got quite a bit to say. But first and foremost I want to say, you have my sympathy for your terrible experiences, and I truly hope that whatever path you choose in life, that you manage to find what makes you genuinely happy.

With that said, I feel the need to offer a counter-point to what you have to say here. I do not by any means argue that what you're saying is a lie, but I can say that what you describe is ridiculously atypical to the point of absurdity.

Firstly, I think it should be mentioned just what, in this context, "Master" and "slave" actually mean. Many view the collar as a symbol more meaningful than a wedding ring.

The slave chooses to give this extra degree of power and control to the Master, a choice that at any time can and should be rescinded if the Master doesn't take his responsibilities seriously, and in exchange the slave is cared for and looked after in many ways makes their needs the primary focus of the relationship - they have to be, because they have surrendered the ability to look after themselves though again, a slave is a person capable of thinking for themselves, and should never tolerate an abusive relationship, or one where their needs aren't met.

The choice here is very important. Every slave I know is a strong, capable person, able to stand up for themselves and make their own choices.

But they choose to be a slave because they enjoy the dynamic, or it simply works for them - a degree of freedom from responsibility, the ability to place complete trust in another, and to dedicate one's self to another are all appealing facets of being a slave.

From what you say, you were in no position to become a slave, and certainly not in such an extreme form. There's a reason many BDSM club owners have a problem with drugs on the premises, even above and beyond the fact that they're, you know, illegal.

Mind-altering substances are the last thing you want hanging around when people are doing things with severe potential repercussions.

And someone with a substance abuse problem should not place themselves in a position of vulnerability, because they are not fully in their right mind to comprehend the gravity of such a choice.

The same goes for someone in severe need of counseling. However, it sounds like Frank didn't really care about any of that.

The man you describe didn't care if you were in your right mind, didn't care about your mental state when you made what may well have been life-changing choices, and ultimately didn't seem to care about you as a person.

All the person you describe seems to care about is possessing you, having someone to fill this role in his life. In any sort of BDSM relationship, you absolutely need to have open lines of communication.

The Master or Dominant absolutely needs to know if something is wrong with the slave or submissive, because it is their responsibility to see to it that this wrong is corrected or addressed.

And if a Master is going to do something that has serious potential to be traumatic, they need to be absolutely positive that their slave is prepared for it, and that it's worth whatever risk it might have.

This is the sort of thing it sounds like your Master didn't have any sort of inclination to do - he didn't seem to care how much the time vacuum, the lack of sunlight, and the constant blindfolding affected you.

All he seems to have been interested in doing was pushing you for the sake of pushing you. If you're sure a power exchange relationship just isn't for you, then I won't ask you to second-guess that decision.

But do not for a moment think that the relationship you were in is anything even remotely typical of BDSM relationships. Frankly, the relationship you describe is one I think most in the BDSM community would see as an abusive relationship, and while I have questioned whether you were really cut out to be a slave, I think that most myself included would be mortified that this man would ever be in a position to be a Master, as he doesn't seem to have any idea what being a Master really entails.

To a "vanilla" those not into BDSM , being a Master must seem like all positives - you get to call the shots, you get to be in control, you get whatever you want That's why I'm a Dom and not a Master, and I may never be a Master - the responsibility seems way too intense for me.

Apparently, Frank decided to just be the vanilla version of a Master - all the fun without any of the hassle. And quite frankly, that's a very dangerous way to approach the lifestyle.

Speaking as someone who helps organize the local BDSM community, I have to say, there are a lot of submissive who are looking for a Dom for all of the wrong reasons, and Doms who mean well that get into serious play with a sub who they think is a strong, capable person, but isn't.

Everyone has baggage. Subs who think they need a Dom to feel safe, or lose weight, or whatever. Someone else should not be responsible for you at that level.

Their intentions are good, but is that enough? But hey, their kink is not my kink. What do I know? SSC RACK and all that, right? There is a world of people that can't understand masochists, or how pain feels good.

How can I ridicule someone who wants to lose their sense of time, their sense of self, and be used as a fucktoy when I want to be beat to a snot on a regular basis.

But Re: Caspian32's post, yes, ideally people involved in BDSM are strong, capable people who are able to stand up for themselves and make their own choices, and god damn a fuck lot of them are, and it's awesome, but a fuck lot of them aren't as well.

That said, I think the community I'm involved with is very diffferent than Caspian32's community. I personally feel that the other members of the kink community here seem rather eager to decry Frank's actions as those of an irresponsible Master.

If you'll forgive for being rude: on the internet! I suspect that as a result of you're weighted past you're probably a very difficult person to be a Master to.

With that in mind maybe we should judge Frank's ability and responsibility by the outcome of his actions. SSC Safe Sane Conscentual. The biggest safety complaints would be the lack of sunlight and health care, but I have more thoughts on that which I will get to in a moment.

Conscentual, He released you upon the utterance of your safe word which was established beforehand. He had you notify him of his limits and he respected them.

I would have to say that he passes this test in a manner befitting a true Dom. So now we come to the last trial. The most difficult one, the trial of sanity.

By my measure Frank took a very injured individual into his life and led them through intensity to an outcome that can reasonably be regarded as good though not without qualifications.

That is harder to accomplish than I feel some of those criticizing him have admitted. I wonder if he thinks you were too much of a challenge for him or if he thinks that you were what he was looking for in a sub.

I also wonder if it made him grow as a Dom. I do worry about the fact that he didn't let you outside and the long term use of a blindfold.

While it seems consistent with his desire to remove time from your life I suspect that it's one of those activities like breath play where even if it's desirable and seems to add to the situation it should be avoided because it's dangerous.

Personally I think he bit off more than he could chew, but in the end handled it fairly well. In my book he passes the test though not with flying colors.

As someone who is a Dom and wishes to continue to be one in the future I recognize the challenge faced in this situation and I do laud Frank for overcoming it.

I have a collared sub but we do not engage in lifestyle play. Perhaps in the future it will be something I will try possibly as a result of your words ;- rebootedgirl.

I will certainly be more diligent in establishing and maintaining the lines of communication between Dom and sub than he was I consider that to be his biggest failing.

I strive to do better by my sub, but I swear never to do worse. I suspect that Frank made a similar oath, and I would hope that the other kinksters here would recognize the merit in any Dom who holds themselves to that standard.

Indeed it is the only true mark of a "real Dom. Most likely. He told me a few times he would respect my limits and learn from my cues when to stop.

I might have not really known what my limits were. It's not like I told him: "No, I don't want to be blind-folded for three weeks". I could have used my "Red Light" safe word any time I wanted.

I am guessing that his decision to present me to his new girls was motivated by his attempt to grew out of our experience and not repeat the mistakes he had made with me.

My former therapist and my boyfriend are in full agreement with you. With time, I began to share their point of view. But you have to understand that I was raised by a mother who taught me that you couldn't say no to your man even if he abused you.

I absolutely agree with you. I am guessing there is a reason why he chose to keep me isolated: so that I couldn't figure out all of this on my own.

In the end, I guess I was lucky he not only accepted I wanted to leave, but that he helped me gain independence. I agree, and in his defense, he was like that in the beginning.

After every session for I guess the first 8 to 10 months, we had lengthly discussions about my feelings and what I thought.

It's near the end that he seemed to lose focus of my importance and that it became frightening. The 3 weeks blindfold occurred in the last few weeks and caused me to leave.

Same thing with the no speaking rules. That is quite possible. Perhaps he was just considerate in the beginning because he was afraid I would want to leave and slowly begun to care less and less about what I thought.

Thanks a lot for your long text. I wish someone in the dungeon would have explained it all to me before I accepted. It would have enabled me to make a more informed decisions and if I would have said yes, to set clearer boundaries and get into a more sane relationship.

To be fair, Frank didn't feed her drugs. He didn't do anything without her permission she was allowed to say no to a list of things , and he respected her using the safe-word instead of just continuing to torture or rape her.

I think he's just a working-class guy who simply is ignorant about the effects of sunlight deprivation and long term sensory deprivation.

I think he cared enough that if he knew the repercussions of such actions on health, he would have made some changes. Aye but you have to take responsibility when someone trusts you to be a master in that position.

Surely he should have considered her previous life and issues before convincing her to do something so emotionally taxing.

It isn't black and white - it doesn't sound like he intended to abuse her or take advantage of her, but managed to do that anyway due to not being careful.

Background: I have been active in the BDSM community since I was in my 20s. So now to my point. In the gay community, its long been known that there is an issue with codependency and domestic abuse.

Gay people in unhealthy relationships are reluctant to go find outside help because they dont want to have to come out of the closet.

In the kink scene the problem is doubly compounded with atatudes like "who are you to judge" and "what they do may seem extreme, but its just a difrent lifestyle choice" and "your kink is not my kink but your kink is ok".

When I questioned this setup the person who organized it took me aside and told me I wasn't welcomed back until I could be more "open minded".

Ya want to know how people in the BDSM community think? Ask your fellow perverts their opinion of the Glenn Marcus court case.

She sells her house and gives all the money to her new master. Sells all her possessions but for one set of clothes and her car and gives all the money to her new master.

Drives cross country to go live with him as his ful time slave. When she gets there she sells her car giving all the money to her new master and burns her last set of clothes.

He burns his initials into her thigh using a coat hanger he had heated up over the stove and carves the word slave into her stomach.

She then runs a website braging and looking down her nose at everyone else because she had the guts to do bdsm "for real". A few years later she finaly wakes up to what is going on reports conflict but some news says that the final straw was when Glenn tried to recrute the womans sister to come be a slave as well and she leaves.

Glenn posts a notice on the website offering a reward for information about her location so he could "get his property back".

She eventually goes to the FBI because she wants the pictures from the website taken down. But as I said, it used to be worse. Back in the mid 90s I remember that every newbie was directed to Glenn Marcuss website so they could read all about what real bdsm was truely all about.

I would read it and everything on it reminded me of a religious cult. I was the only person I knew at all who didnt have high words of praise for its content.

The kinds of actions from the OP disturb me as well. But I wouldent go as far as to say that everyone in the BDSM scene would be disturbed as well.

Heck, its a rare happening but I have on more than one occasion talked with someone else in the scene who comes to the defense of Armin Meiwes because what he did was consensual and in their mind ANYTHING that is consensual ought to be ok.

But I dont think that every last person in the BDSM scene would be disgusted. Thank you so much for your comment. The normal BDSM community is just not being represented at all in her experience, and although she is free to talk about it, it hurts me that such a negative experience gets so many upvotes.

It just gives us a horrible name. How many more people will think that people who are involved in BDSM are always so mentally unstable and dangerous?

How many more hypocrites will base their opinion of BDSM off of this experience? The only BDSM news that is popular are ones where something terrible has happened.

I'm shocked that he neglected the fact that you need regular medical care and sunshine. You say he learned his lesson?

Other than that he was a good master and thank god he respected your safe word! It fascinates me that you somehow equated this to a second babyhood and seemingly managed to partially heal yourself from your lousy childhood through this.

He gave me vitamin D pills to compensate and I am rarely sick, especially then when I didn't see anyone. What bothers me the most is the lack of dentist visits, but to be honest, it's not like my parents took me there regularly before then.

It's only when my boyfriend mentioned he could have been a pychopath and simply killed me that I was afraid.

I guess I really missed basic education in my childhood. To my boyfriend it's rather disturbing, but somehow, I managed to heal myself during that period.

Perhaps I was lost in my thoughts a lot more. Perhaps I simply was away from the negative influence of my mother. I made this account just to talk to you.

We are a normal couple outside the bedroom, though lately we have let the fetishes spill into the outside too and I think I'm naturally completely submissive to him.

I didn't have a shitty childhood, but I do have a lot of issues in general. My boyfriend is absolutely incredible and he truly cares and loves me.

But I always wondered if one of the things that attracted me to this relationship so much was the appeal of having someone who could appease these issues.

Particularly considering the nature of what we do daddy dom. I don't know, but your post made me think, thanks for that :.

You welcome, I have to say it's weird seeing you articulate the feelings that I sometimes have too, very weird actually.

I think the main difference is that I am submissive, it's ingrained into who I am, whether it seems like you just did it because fuck it, what else did you have to do?

Do you see what I mean?

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